What Must Have Been

What Must Have Been

I must have really wanted
to be a kind person, ’cause
I did nice things for nothing

but now I’m so hurt
so angry that I’d
much rather
kill every mocking bird,
every living thing with
a machine gun

because I am a machine
a lost cause
an artifact to theory, unless

there’d be love and then
I could feel as if I mattered
and as if I
could reach out with a brush
and make a painting of you
with all the colors of a blush, until
you were real
and the world were kind.

I like making rainbows.

I think I’ll dance in the rain
until I am alive with glee

and you will see me
as I used to be
without tears

— Douglas Gilbert