A Small Understanding

A Small Understanding

Oh God I am dying
Oh God I am sighing
but let no one misunderstand
my colloquial use
of useless anthropomorphic nonsense:
it’s really just that God is my God who would
understand me completely
and know that I have tried
to love her who would listen
as if I mattered, as if I could save her

because there is a tiny little something
that only I know when I speak to her in particular

a little secret just for her, something He has
I imagine, entrusted to me to give to her
as if I mattered
as if I were someone, and

if I were holy I would love her
because she speaks to me like a song,
and I have always loved the music in my dreams.

Oh God, I know there is a symphony in my heart
that, forgive me, as the creature that I must be,
is a joyful lonely lust that enjoys being heard
as if an ecstasy is just the chatter of love
and I can speak to her
as if the every sound of me
were as cute as I know she is when
she smiles at me, and it
seems to me God hugs us, because
we laugh the giggle symphony
with His or Her baton charming us to
play and dance with the drum of love.

We listen to the throbs of the night
the beats of our songs.

Rain drops chatter
and I fear not thunder
because the lightning is
our percussive being
charged like a love plasma

Oh God I feel like
you know us.
I love us all, and

— Douglas Gilbert