My Fair Particle

My Fair Particle

Just you wait, Professor Higgs, just you wait!
it’ll be 125 or 126 years and then too late.
You’ll be profound, and I’ll be weighty;
Will I help you? Don’t think vainly!
Just you wait, Peter ‘iggs Sir, just you wait!

Just you wait, Peter ‘iggs Sir, till conCERNed,
and you disCERN the field or go quick off to mass
I’ll be gone a prayer second later and won’t even tip the waiter
Oh ho ho, Santa ‘iggs Sir, just you wait!

Ooooooh ‘eter ‘iggs Sir!
Just you wait when swimmin’ in the ether fine!
Ooooooh ‘eter ‘iggs Sir!
and you glitch in particle splash not far from me!

If you feel you’ll drown in soup I’ll get dressed
and reveal dark towns! Oh ho ho, ‘eter ‘iggs Sir!
Oh ho ho, ‘eter ‘iggs Sir! Just you wait!

One day I’ll be notorious! I’ll be complex and so dim;
Go to St. CERN so frequent I’ll name him Gadzooks!
One evening the queen will say:
“Oh, Boson, odd thing,
I command all the world your strangeness to sing.
Next week on the 4th of July
I proclaim Higgs Boson’s dark Day!
All the masses will tango in the dance of you
And in whatever demand you tangle me in I will do.”

“Merci beaucoup, Queeny” says I, with dark manners said;
But all me wants is ‘eters ‘iggs Sir’s ‘ead!”
“Let it be,” says the Queen like a joke.
“Guards, fetch and carry in the bloke!”
Then they’ll parade you, ‘eter ‘iggs Sir to the wall;
And the Queen’ll whisper darkly, “Boson, sound the call.”
As they charge their magnets higher, I’ll yell:
“Ready! Aim! Fire!”
Oh ho ho, ‘eter ‘iggs Sir,
astounded, ‘eter ‘iggs Sir!
Just you wait!

— Douglas Gilbert