If I Were Young (subjunctive tense)

If I Were Young (subjunctive tense)

I miss being younger
when there were no language police

Today, I’m not sure I can say anything.

But I do miss being younger when
I heard female voices behind me,
(when I tried to climb a hill of snow
at a tricky intersection as the traffic light
was about to change into danger mode)

behind me say, “Wow, can that cute little ass
make it over the mound.”

And I do miss being younger when
I was walking up stairs in shorts and
I heard female voices behind me say
“Wow, those calves are huge…”

And I wonder why
when I was younger, that
I didn’t turn around, and
say “thank you”, because

now that I’m old and ugly
I’m just a dirty old man, and
when I see beauty, I
must look away, and
never be beautiful again, because

if ever I would have fathered a child
he would have been ugly.