Ode To Sloopy (Draft 7)

[I saw that someone recently looked at this one, and after reading it again, I think Draft 7 is actually better than drafts 8 and 9. Maybe I went to far?]

Ode to Sloopy (Draft 7)

Oh my neighborhood is blessed,
so sweet the streets, so
why do I mourn, look down the other road
in the town where I

see so few caresses
paved on grand roads, just
tangled streets without joy
without proper signs
without you?

And I could have loved you
so easily if you were in
my class at school, and
my illegal notes would have said

I am not fulfilled with
just my toys. Joyce dear dream,
with the pony tail and smile,
play with silly me like
you love me.

But now that
I’ve grown
now that I moan

can I give you my map
to find me, though there’ve
been so many years?

There’s a song and I say Hello

Joyce babe, oh
you’ve known the song so
don’t fall off the mountain;
hang on to an edge,
hang on to a love to be
that should have been.

Oh baby I don’t know why
your Daddy puts you down
and why you must stay with cockroaches
in your part of town

Oh baby, can you cross the border
’cause there’d be no disorder
if you’d wait for me,
only wait for me

I know there’s a cliff
where everyone dis’s you

But baby don’t fall;
I’ve got the rockin’ gear
and the pinions of a mountain climb

I know you’re on a cliff, but
hang on

I will hoist you up to God, and
maybe He will share you with me

because I want to save you, and
my rescue ropes are of joy. We will

cross the border
and climb a better mountain
beyond outrageous stones
those devils throw

How can they know
your kind heart
if they’d be mocking birds.

Let me sing to you of
sweet rescue, because
don’t we both need to
climb to a heaven we need
so desperately

I think we are good
to hang on for love

because never would I
want you to be anywhere
but on my street if
you love me, or

even if you don’t.

— Douglas Gilbert

[Well I’ll have to decide before I publish the next poetry book. Well, the old stuff is still around: http://bit.ly/dg-read ]


4 thoughts on “Ode To Sloopy (Draft 7)

  1. Oh phooey, I think 9 is better again. I don’t remember now what was bothering me about 9. Now 7 seems awkward — somehow was thinking the opposite…

    1. I don’t know…I think they’re both good. I really can’t decide which one I think sounds better. #9 has a lot more added details. But 7 is still good too. I’ll read them both again tomorrow and see if I have a preference when I’m not so sleepy and I feel a little more clear-headed.
      Hanging onto a cliff is extremely hard though, especially when one is afraid of falling.

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