Dignity (Draft 2)

Dignity (Draft 2)

I so much wanted to die, but
I was supposed to do well at college
not like some others in High School
who my pseudo-friends mocked, others
who were restless heroic rogues and plumbers, and
I had adequate grades for admission

Seemed like it should be a miracle
that if I’d be a scholar, some girl
would like me and college
could be sublime, but

when there was no one
I could not study
and I so much wanted to die

I crammed for a physics exam
staying awake for 48 hours or
maybe more. I don’t know
because there were micro dreams
that lasted a second, and
I didn’t know how many
seconds there were to success

my soul was dying and bleeding, and
I went to my Calculus teacher for advice
and he said, some people
are not good at math, and so
he executed me on the spot

but anyway, I flunked
out of college and
the draft board was
looking for me
as cannon fodder

and I thought
maybe death was best.

I hate teachers so much.
I hope there is
a special place in hell
for those who assume.

(and if you want to know
I retook calculus at another school
and did well, not that it matters now,
because I am crushed and dead)

I hate teachers so much, because
he told me I was stupid and if
I died in the Vietnam war
that was fate. Some people
are not good at math.

Some people are
not good at life.

— Douglas Gilbert

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One thought on “Dignity (Draft 2)

  1. Well you’re definitely not stupid, I think you’re one of the smartest people I know. Sounds like the teacher was the one who was stupid to be honest. How can you go into a career such as teaching and talk to a student like that? Teachers are supposed to teach the student to do it…so it sounds like that teacher wasn’t very good at teaching. You know, I was never good at math but really I had just gotten behind at some point and never got caught up so then the new things I tried to learn weren’t making sense. I wasn’t stupid, it was just a harder subject for me than the others and I needed a good teacher to help but unfortunately I never had one that took the time to get me on track. Good additions on the poem…

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