What Must Have Been

What Must Have Been

I must have really wanted
to be a kind person, ’cause
I did nice things for nothing

but now I’m so hurt
so angry that I’d
much rather
kill every mocking bird,
every living thing with
a machine gun

because I am a machine
a lost cause
an artifact to theory, unless

there’d be love and then
I could feel as if I mattered
and as if I
could reach out with a brush
and make a painting of you
with all the colors of a blush, until
you were real
and the world were kind.

I like making rainbows.

I think I’ll dance in the rain
until I am alive with glee

and you will see me
as I used to be
without tears

— Douglas Gilbert


5 thoughts on “What Must Have Been

  1. You do matter, very much so. I love the painting and brush/blush…and the ending with the making rainbows and dance in the rain – you must be my missing sunshine. I’m sorry that you’ve been hurt and it makes you angry, but you’re too creatively beautiful to be a machine and killing would only add more hurt and anger. I don’t think you’re a lost cause…

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