Spaghetti (Draft 2)

Spaghetti (Draft 2)

Turning on the light
my hand made a shadow
that needed to be drawn

Thinking of you
I made a doodle on a paper
a scribble of a pasta in the past
when I made the meat balls
and you the sauciness

We were a cute melody that the swallows loved
as we fed them bread and spaghetti in the rain

and we sang our twisted song
as you carried your noodle soup, and
we stood in a puddle with your poodle
being strung out in tangles seeming tame

— Douglas Gilbert

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2 thoughts on “Spaghetti (Draft 2)

  1. I like the changes…feeding the swallows bread and spaghetti in the rain sounds a tad bit messy but I do have a yellow umbrella we could all share. Or maybe we don’t even need an umbrella…sometimes I like getting wet, guess it depends on the mood. I like how you took out the word ‘shallow’…’twisted’ pairs well with with the song and the noodles.

    1. Thanks. Yeah, I had to give up my “cuteness with words and sound” notion of liking the look of “swallow” and “shallow”. I really wasn’t saying what I wanted to say but I like those two words and wanted to squeeze them in somehow. It had an interesting look and sound but it ruined the meaning. It’s similar when people write strictly end rhyme poems and force it to rhyme with inappropriate words that don’t covey the intended meaning. Yeah, I’ve done that once in a while — and then you sort of make excuses and just say,”oh,it’s abstract and profound — just read between the lines,” but it’s really just gibberish that’s not much fun. I at least mostly, when I get struck like that try to make “fun gibberish”.
          I’m really getting bogged down: I finally finished pasting 127 pages of new poems which I’m putting first and then pasted most of my old poems. So it’s 420 pages. For a while I was changing the page numbers of the old poems pasted from the old book, one by one, and that was very tedious. Finally, I stopped, and finally learned how to use the “find and replace” feature of Word. The first time it didn’t seem to work until I found out a weird thing: after I found the page whose page number I wanted to change and entered change this number to that number, there where a bunch of buttons and I was real scared: I thought I was about to ruin and scrabble everything. There was REPLACE and REPLACE ALL. So I thought, ut oh, sounds like big, big trouble, because the number might appear in text besides just the page numbers. But then I thought, well, if there’s two buttons then the REPLACE would probably just replace one thing so maybe it’s safe to try. I pushed REPLACE and nothing happened. And I thought ut oh, it might look like nothing’s changed but maybe something has happened bad. I couldn’t see any changes…. Then through experimenting I found that you have to push FIND NEXT first and it shows you what it’s about to change and then you push REPLACE and it only changes that one thing it’s showing you and then oddly without doing anything, it shows you the next example that you might want to change. If it’s the right change that you want, you push REPLACE again. So if you just use that button you don’t get into trouble because it asks you permission each time. And yikes, I did have numbers in my text which I didn’t want to change, so when it showed me that I stopped. That was a close call. Now I’m hoping that when I first tried it and even though it looks like nothing happened, that I didn’t destroy something by mistake. I don’t know, it looks OK I think. But it’s a lot of pages to look through and I hate reading on the screen — it hurts my eyes. So I may have to wait until I publish a copy in print to proof read. I haven’t finished the CONTENTS and INDEX yet. Those, for me anyway, are hard to set up. I should get a paper book on how to use WORD some day. I can’t follow the online instructions.

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