Alice studies the Glass-Steagill Act, trades on Wonderland Wall Street stock, futures, derivatives, pie & jam

Alice in Wunderkinderland With a Hedgehog (R7+ )

When smiley squirrels claw up the trees
and every cat meows for milky magpies
all the fields of Central Park are free,
and every school girl will unwind and read

So Alice in her yellow Carroll dress
spread her sheet on meadow grass, and
meadow larks chirped Volckermort, a
value-song for a feather-at-risk, but

Alice tired of Homer’s Odyssey
duh-faulty Greek tragedy dark, a
theme so far from Central Park,
or even downtown Wall Street

“Oh dear,” she shouted to
the curious white rabbit who
pulled and straightened his suit and tie

“Come, come,” he billowed
“ ’tis most unsuitable to shout at me
when I’m to lunch with
THE Chef Steagill.”

Though chilled
by thoughts cold-Alice, she
ran off with her caution indeed
to follow him down a rabbit hole

and falling down a cave interior
she felt too big to manage when
the rabbit through a tiny door went

But the doorknob had lips
and devised a sinister tip:
“Drink the tea from mushroom lake
and you will shrink my dear
to a manageable size.”

When Alice applied his advice
she felt peculiar in drinking:
a discreet shudder cooing
for a door d’esprit looming,
every growing thing
then knowing tiny her

Enter, the doorknob said
as it twisted itself ahead where
knowing her stands
Alice found Wunderkinderland,

land where stood the Caterpillar
who did smoke a hookah in
multi-armed charm

“Hookah booo-kah, indeed; whooo
goes there? Speak!” he decreed

“ ’tis me, um, it is I, Alice
a refugee.”

“Indeed I see; delighted.
It being your unbirthday
then you must be invited
to boogie at
the bank unholiday.”

“Unbirthday?”

“Boo-kah, boo-kah, it’s not your birthday —
is it now, nor would you be closing any banks?”

“Um, no
I don’t think so”

“Indeed, and there down the road
meet the Mad Potter and meet the May Hare
for the devil-may-care unholiday dare…”

“But,” he chortled, “it is you
whooo must buy the insurance…”

“Insurance?”

“You must have insurance —
for endurance, for endurance
it is you, dear, whooo
must have insurance, and for
every leg and every segment I have
a million dollars for salve. So dear
write me a check for a billion dollars.”

“I… I… I’d wish upon a star for that
but it’s quite bizarre
you’d think I’d have it.”

“Yoooou indeed. We’ll lend you credits.”

And so it was
with a thousand hands
he wrote a thousand papers

“Cry on these dear,” he said
“And the deal is done.
sign for a sign
sign on, sign on and
follow the sign, dear.”

The signs Alice followed thus
were not only circuitous
but harebrained ludicrous:
“May Stop”, “May Go”, “Mayhem”,
“come See the May Hare”, “May Potter”
“Comme ci comme ça”

Alice felt so-so unsad, arriving there
glad to see finally
madness in person

Maybe not unmad,
the Potter and Hare alone at
a one hundred seat banquet table
sang the un-fabled song:
“unsad unbirthday to you
unecstatic unbirthday to you
unsad unbirthday dear Alice
undramatic unbirthday to you.”
And after applause, the May Hare said,
“Now blow up the pie and
do not wish for anything.”

“Pardon me,” Alice said,
“I do appreciate such a
grand manic welcome
but please, if I may ask …”

“Yes, speak up, speak down, don’t mess up
the chatter to the ear, here here,”
pleaded insolent Mad Potter so
dizzily spinning on his chair-on-a-wheel,
“Yes do inhere the unsilent soul.”

“Yes, then,” said Alice,
“a pretty party — but don’t
I get a cake?”

“Heavens no. A birthday cake course?
One must have pie with explosives
to be unsilent of course.”

“Well,” said Alice in a mental haze,
“I suppose day’s pie, but shouldn’t
pie be round with cherries?”

“Silly girl. Pie are squared
and have birds mixed with sugar glaze.”

“Here here, not π, ” said the May Hare,
“ahem aha, where is Chef Steagill
with his catching pots?”

The Potter spun. “Pots? Yes pots —
lots of pots. May pots, mayhem.
May Hare, where?”

“Oh on my harebrain,
I don’t know where. Hey Potter,
send in the bloodhound and beagle.”

“Oh Hare, ’tis mayhem; look there
Chef Steagill.”

The chef ran in with clanging pots.
“I’m here here. There there all.
If everything is in disorder,
blow up the pie.”

When he caught Alice’s eye
she pushed the plunger

Kaboom sprayed pie
and the chef caught the bird

Yes indeed ’twas absurd
at least Alice had thought when

Chef Steagill spake like a bellyache,
“I’ve got it now. For
today’s unholiday I’ll make
‘Peasant Under Glass.’ ”

“Oh dear, goodness gracious,” chimed Alice
with words like a dance, “Dear sir,
you mean ‘Pheasant Under Glass’? ”

“Certainly not, dear girl.” And he began to sing,
“ ‘And when the pie was opened,
‘the peasants began to sing’
‘wasn’t that a dainty dish’
‘to set before the King.’ ”

It was indeed a harebrained song
so Alice applauded along
with the hare’s eerie squeal
a clap to the rhythm of the Potter’s wheel.

But the Hare jumped up upon the table.
“Table this matter, Sir. For without Mr. Glass
it’s an impossible task.”

“Very well,” said the chef, “I’ll bend:
one hundred meals to be served —
then let it be then
croquettes by the dozen”

The Mad Potter spun around four times,
a greater lunatic than slick.
“I’m incredulous thus,
even with the thyme and time,
you ought to know, by the dozen
can only be ninety-six.”

Alice was puzzled, but
the chef was un-non-plussed

“Only a possum,” he said,
“would say non possumus.
It’s un-impossible
for a man with certificates.”

Alice was puzzled, but
with all the others, she was pulled
onto the grand table, and they
all held hands in a circle and danced:
“Certificates, certificates,” they sang,
“Everyone is certifiable.”

Alice was puzzled, but
on the fourth turn, fourth beat
the chef retreated and bowed.
“Decorum,” he said,
“Everyone please be seated.”

Just then, a little bird flew in for a drink, and
the chef dipped its tail feathers in ink.
“This entitles the bearer to four
croquettes,” he wrote on a certificate.

“Very significant, this certificate,”
said the Mad Hare, “and
dare you write the corporate bond
for United Flour?”

“No,” said the chef, “OK,
“better yet than croquettes
I have a bond for United Croquet
with mallet aforethought.”

“Outrageous,” said Alice,
“I don’t know about bonds
and all these phenomenon
but I love to watch croquet.”

“Hey! You don’t say,” Chef said.
“Pray tell. Enough said about endurance.
You certainly have the insurance…
You’ll see: while I prepare the meal
you’ll make a deal and
meet the mallets and the balls.”

“Pardon me,” Alice said,
“I do appreciate such
grand financial advice
and a chance to meet new people
but please, if I may ask…”

Chairman Potter spun around suddenly:
“Indeed, speak up, speak down, don’t mess up
the chatter to the ear, here here. Know
this, do adhere to the call of the unsilent soul.”

“Yes, then,” said Alice, “Um, seems a non sequitur
to meet the balls?
I’ve seen pretty balls, but
never heard them talk.”

“Heavens, if you love Croquet
and chocolate-covered grasshoppers
you’d know the rules: when a
hedgehog first signs up to be a ball,
he must make one sport speech, and
then he mustn’t talk at all or even
beckon with a mouthful of insects.”

“Pardon me … um …”

“Silly girl, you don’t try to talk
with a mouthful of insects, do you?
It’s been a mild winter, with abundance
of creature and grape to over mull; it’s
always impolite to talk with your mouth full.”

“Appreciate such much but…”

The May Hare hopped up onto the table
and began a thumping tap dance to
accolades from Potter mad indeed.
“Sing,” Hare said, “Insectivora:
Shrews and hedgehogs and moles. You see?”

“Pardon me,” Alice sang, “Shrews
and hedgehogs and moles, I see.”

Thump thump. “They live in
a credit-defaulty swamp
aha.”

“Oh my…” And a swarm of flies flew
into her mouth, so singing she stopped,
but certainly hummed, stunned

Knowingly knowing something,
the others checked the forest sounds
for the woodpeckers peck

“Aha,” said the May Hare,
“It’s the running of the flies
and fly balls. You see?”

But Alice wondered
what was to come

Mad Potter:
“The hedgehogs are coming —
it’s the coming of the hedgehogs
to the banquet with all the
Zeitgeist and glory,
dressed to the nines
with their triumphant spines.”

The hedgehogs rolled in
like acrobats or tumble weeds,
and with a chatter-wonky prose
reposed on their seats, able
to feed with their noses on the table —
without doubt a clout indubitable;
forty-eight on the right had their portfolios
and on the left forty-eight undeniably without

Though chatter can matter sometimes
in vehement unwonkyness, the
Hedgehogian debate seemed
roquét-cious but playful,
nine wickets contentious
like all the nine Muses, amusing with
usual silly debates: the course
is a zig-zag, yes of course!
Oh no, it’s a
double-diamond pattern
that must be enforced

But out of the noise
a voice was heard:
“Young Lady, what do you say?”

Alice was embarrassed,
feared another faux pas,
wanted to be a
casual profound
for some
combo-sensible aha’s

Not too breezy, she thought
ought to find a tactful tack
sail into a cool wind, not into hot air.
“It’s like the Hawk and the Eagle,” she said
“one, sees a mouse running in zig-zag,
the other will pounce on a pattern… ”

But all kinds of shouts broke out:
“Are you calling us a mouse?”

“No, no, no,” Alice said,
“It’s a metaphor for detail and pattern —
to tack for tact; for tactics and strategy…
um, un-…, um… can I unsay, please?”

Kindly the Hare jumped
to her defense: “Indeed
you may, and I will say
strat-tea-tactfully, everyone
must have jam.”

So Mad Potter joined in with a word:
“ ’tis true:
everyone must jam or coin.”

With that enabler, the Hare
ducked under the table,
rummaging up an under-lair.

Alice just stared.

But all the hedgehogs suddenly chanted,
“By the mallet, we must have music and dance.
Talent from the mallets
must fly in.”

“Come out from under there, Hare,
if you’ve, so to speak,
gone to Spain,”
Potter dared.

With a hop and a jump
the May Hare with guitar
stomped up on the table:
“Andalusia! Clap, clap,
clap, clap, clap.”

On the portfolio right,
claws and toes
rapped on the table,
leftward a rhythm with a
clap a clap-clap

“Andalusia! Mallets fly in.
olé…”

Alice in yellow:
clap-clap, clap clap
“Andalusia! Like I could be
a frenzied yellow meadow lark
I see pink clouds astounding me.”

Hare strummed
with fingers across strings
feet and palm stomping
thump thump
“Andalusia! Oh mallets do land.”

Hedge clap
a clap-clap
clap clap clap

Clap clap. With heels on their back toe
and taps on their webbed feet
swooning flamingos flapped to the tune

Soon pink feathers descended
landing in table center stage

Hedge a clap-clap
thump a thump thump

Hedge claws on the table
paws clapping rhythmically

With castenets in their wings
the flamingos flamencoed

and with graceful beak to snout
hedgehogs and flamingos
danced about

But when a flamingo stood firmly on its head
Alice wondered what could have been said

To a hedgehog, Potter said,
“Complete, complete,
curl up, curl up,” as he
grabbed a mallet by its feet.

“Andalusia clap clap”
For the end, Potter’s hand talent
swung the feathered mallet
pink and feet tall, and
the hedgehog rolled
like a bowling ball.

They could have rolled
on and on, if they could’ve
cajoled their way to have
a ball, to have more fun
but it would have to be done
when the Hare hopped and spoke:
“Attention! Clear the table
as best you’re able
or even not. Stop!
It must be done by tradition.”

Between the lines of engagement
there was a flutter of birds disturbed
and a bristling to orders, but
mostly a disorderly compliance
to all the interstitial conditions

Potter concurred:
“The waiters will be here
but they can’t wait for long —
have your orders ready,
but don’t be forlorn

This made Alice unsteady in voice,
in her thoughts and in her mood.
“Wait…,” Alice said, “wait, what
are our choices?”

“Dear girl,” said the Hare,
“let the Mad Potter explain
since it is I who must go to
the under-lair retrieval and
arrange our ice water
and the Champagne.”

“Croquettes, ah yes, Alice,”
began a Potter hypostasis,
“an essence is dipped in a flour with flaxseed;
essentially you have an encrusted snack.
So don’t you be fatigued
from a choice of three.”

“Indeed,” said Alice, “and
these are which three?”

“Yes, for your benefit:
croquettes with walnuts and assorted chopped insects
or peanuts and chopped peasants in lemon,
or if you find that
that’s a dilemma,
there’s a third to chose —
let it be lemon ice cream
and fortune cookies esteemed.”

As Alice contemplated, the May Hare
came out from under
carrying on carts
all his paraphernalia:
hopping about with
buckets of ice water
and water guns.
“Fill your guns,” the Hare proclaimed.

Play time, Alice thought
and she squirted her
neighboring hedgehog
with ice water

Poor fellow being:
he rolled up in a ball and cried,
“Argh. What are you doing?”

“Oh, um, sorry,” Alice whined,
“I’m confused this day…
Aren’t we to play now?”

“You don’t understand, Dear,” said Potter
“The ice water is for the waiters.
“If you must play
get up on the table…”

“Oh dear.”
Alice was embarrassed.

In unison:
“Yes, yes, yes,
up on the table
if you are able, and
dance to excess…”

Potter professed:
“Play requires extravagance
and the arrogance of fun
like a tamed water gun, it’s
the vanity of a solo dance
shooting steps across the floor.”

In unison proclamation with claps:
“Take the floor,
take the floor!”

Alice was floored by
all the imploring, but
stabled her doubts and
flew up like a flamingo.

With the prance of a wild horse
and flight of bird fulfilled
she strutted and danced
and twirled her skirt until

Potter shouted, “Duck!”
as the gasps were heard

“Yeow,” Alice screamed
as a trapeze bar flew
just over her head

“Watch for the swing,”
the May Hare said.

As it flew forward
and then returned back,
the Hare yelled urgently
“Easy now Alice; catch:
“just seize the trapeze.”

She reached up and grabbed it
and swung all the way back

“Higher!” they shouted
like the clouds were no limit,
“No thrill should be diminished.”

Like a flag ripped with care
her hair fluttered in the air

They stared at the sight

While lifting her legs into breezy heights
her trapeze in the air arced forward, and praying,
her hair exhorted all ethereal forces
to ease her beleaguering frights.

At the peak of the swing she heard
a voice from above, “Reach up
and let go.”

Ut oh, good grief, some
tricky maneuvers were needed —
which one, could be a tossup to heed
on the spur of the moment,
so still flying forward and up
she caught a foot and a leg
of a man falling on her

When she could
wrap around and climb him, she
finally looked up. A hoot:
it was Chef Steagill
on a golden parachute

A calming voice, but
she could hear his pounding heart
and smell his sweat; he
seemed cool
though he held his breath

Astounding were the
swoosh sounds to touch down
as gracefully they floated
down to the ground.

Inhaling the ground air
and helping her up neatly, again
the Chef was cool like an orator,
“Now be off Dear Girl, for
the penguins are coming
to take your order, and
we must all be
seated in our chairs.”

Alice ran back through the grass
wondering past a sign for Noah’s Lake,
but jumped over a hedge not stopping
for obstacles bushed or bred or snake.

She plopped in her seat,
near breathless but not:
“Um, thank you all for
that great treat. Yes, so
time to eat then?”

“Oh no,” they said. “Time
to order. There must be order.”

“Oh yes, I meant
we will after
we order.”

Potter proclaimed, “I hear
foot fall so great of waddling feet.
the penguins will be
converging here to greet.
Bestir yourself folks, do!
Invoke your order urgently,
water guns ready too.”

“OK,” said Alice, “um,
then as you say, not for fun
the water guns are for the waiters.
Then, not to be flirty, we give
them the guns without fuss
and they squirt us?”

“Gracious no, silly girl,” reacted Potter.
“Are you hot — do you have a fever?
Would you think a penguin is a provoker?
It is they who get very hot indeed.
Leave gun nozzle on spray, and
with a speedy soaking, just
be ready to allay their heat.”

As Alice was adjusting her gun
a penguin snuck up on her
and startled her to jump

As she suddenly turned, yikes
the gun went off
like a chiding cough, and
sprayed her returning waiter.

“Thank you,” he said, “may I take
your order.”

“Um, oh yes,” Alice said to the waiter,
“I’ll have lemon ice cream please, and
fortune cookies,” Alice remembered,
and sprayed him in allayment of heat

“Very good,” he said
and waddled off.

Blissed hedgehogs everywhere
sprayed ice water aloft, and
the penguins marched off
in refrigerated mist.

The Hare hopped about and
looked at Alice, “Is your
fever disciplined? Are you alright?
Would an aspirin be quite right?”

“Um, no, I’m fine.”

“I heard you ordered the
lemon ice cream, so in
the collusion of coolness
you’ll catch a bet on
the Croquet matches?”

“Um, I suppose, and you?”

“Edifying for you,
I might buy your tickets:
trade you for a bond
or mortgage instrument.”

“Um, an instrument? You mean
like a saxophone?”

“Hmm, never heard of that,
never owned it. I wonder if
the interest rate would be erratic.”

“Well, I imagine a lot
of people are interested,
seems to me they’d
like to play exotic…”

Potter intervened, “Yes, ’tis an art,
keenly everyone must jam or coin;
at any rate, interests are emotive, but
wait, yes, I can hear the motors
of the foody go-carts —
the snacks are here
the penguins are back.

This time the penguins were fast
to slide trays of food around
like slippery ice bergs waddling,
everyone moving down with verve
making way for Alice’s vast servings.
In double-time wobbles the
penguins burned rubber, and
speeded away like old hot rodders.

Alice was startled and befuddled:
twenty-four fortune cookies to judge
each more than a foot long, one
would say, for a cookie extreme

The Hare hopped about and
looked at Alice, “How’s your
fever? Have some lemon
ice cream.”

Alice thought it best to enjoy
the lemon ice cream anointed, as she
gazed at all the cookies well appointed.

As she massaged her tongue with
cool lemon flavor, Alice flung a
savored thought around in her head
about what her cookie fortunes would say —
hmm, perhaps a crystal ball instead inside
and I’ll have to tell my own fortune,
she thought. Perhaps, in one,

there’s a frog that will pop out
but do frogs tell fortunes? Maybe so.

The hedgehogs ate their croquettes quietly
didn’t seem to want to hear their fortune told,
but she was intrigued to know.

Well, I suppose, she thought,
someone who eats all desserts
is bound to be curious
about the main things in life.

Alice lifted one end of a cookie, and
with a twist broke off a piece to eat.
It was pretty decent:
spinach and egg flavor,
a soupçon of shrimp

With the sound of the crack
the Hare jumped up, and
the hedgehogs took note.

The Mad Potter said,
“Pull out the papers,
and have a look.”

Alice looked at the open end.
“Goodness, there’s a stack of papers
as big as a book,” she said.

“Certainly,” said the May Hare,
“those are your futures contracts —
of course there’d be stacks.”

“My future?” Alice puzzled,
on the edge of disappointment.

“Struggle and risk — that’s what
the future is for — potluck,” Potter said.

Hare jumped in: “So tell us please
if next year you’re guaranteed
the right to buy wheat flour at
twenty cents a pound?”

Astounded, looking into it,
Alice read fine print. “Hmm,
it’s a bit confusing, though
seems to say I’m meant to buy
on a future day at twenty cents”

Some hedgehogs yelled out,
“Bad price, bad price…
we’ll buy it and sacrifice —
must be simple grain not fragile flour.”

Alice shuffled the papers around
and many different futures she found:
“Wait. Many more nested contracts in here —
makes me hesitate and need to scream ‘oh dear
oh my’, hear hear; may I ask a question?”

Kindly the Hare jumped in
with intercession: “Indeed
you may, and I will say
strat-tea-tactfully, everyone
must have jam. So yes?”

“I’m unsteady with many..
there’s grasshopper bellies
at ten cents a ton… but
forgive me if I don’t know tons…”

“Alice dear,” said Potter, “dreams
are made of risk and squishes, of
gibberish served cold — yet, all
can be seen in menageries of
animal-spirited chatter-nattery.”

Hare added: “As the grasshopper hops,
we are in end times on suspenders
in shreded unspent climes dreaded;
times of crowing and growing
of loco weeds and locusts.”

“I’ll make the most of this,
I’ll try,” Alice guffawed, but
had to ponder the looming
abyss of lists and awe.

Assuming some fun with life on a thread
a chorus in unison sang like the Fates:
“Open another cookie, sweet bread of life
fortunes on futures can not wait.”

Well, Alice thought, at least
a taste of a cookie fate, would be
an adventure in eating and reading.
Picking up a cookie firmly at both ends
she cracked the specimen open near middle.
She pulled off the smaller piece just to mull over.
“Hmm, let me see how crunchy passions astir.”

The Hare wiggled its nose.
“Ahh,” he said, “smells
like mixed mortgages and
stock index futures… or
is it stock futures from
the vineyards’ arts.”

“Well, good ouch,” said Alice, “It’s like
an onion potato chip
shaped like a pouch.”

Hare jumped:
“Hmm, onion, dear Potter,
done and undone are
the layers of the onion —
deem one layer gone bad,
peel off another scheme. So
what wine goes with
potato chips and
lemon ice cream?”

“Champagne!” said Potter,
“Everything goes with Champagne.
Everybody sing…”

“Drink, drink, drink
the fortune is future
in however it spins.
We can build a bridge to over there
and then find out that we’re nowhere,
oh ah
Drink, drink, drink, and
leap o’er hedges and
say what you think!”

Potter: “Hop, hop, hop
oh Hare, and bring us
our drinks so we won’t despair.
We can build a bridge to over there
and then find out that we’re nowhere,”

“Drink, drink, drink, and
leap o’er hedges and then
you can say what you think!”

End: “Let’s drink!”

Everybody drank a glass
and Alice purred. She felt classy
pulling out the stack of papers
from the other half of the cookie.
“Well, then, it concurrs with
what you quipped ‘quid pro quo’
and also has many betting slips, abetting
the Hedgehogian Croquet matches.
Um, but could I ask… um…”

“Yes, speak up, speak down,
don’t mess up the most tizzy
to the ear, here, speak toast or cookie,”
encouraged hazy Mad Potter with wine
dizzily spinning on his chair-on-a-wheel,
“Yes do inhere the unsilent soul.”

“Yes, then,” said Alice,
“a pretty party — but don’t
I get a cake? Ooops, unsay I,
I think I said that already.
I have a question about perforations.”

“Yes certainly, be at ease
it’s perfectly perforated.
All the contracts are perforated —
you tear off along the lines
and sell all the pieces.”

“Indeed, but which to whom?”

“Well, you have pages, and see
wrapping paper and ribbon too.
You can make a package. No?”

“Yes, um, so, I’m to make packages?”

“Yes, silly girl, it’s color coded for risk
by the colors of the rainbow. Throw a
worthless mortgage slip in with a good one.
Slip a red slip with a blue and yellow one.
Leave a slip in from every cookie
and wrap a pretty package.”

“Uh, could I ask…”

“Oh, yes, make no mistake
you may have cake now,”
Mad Potter said with a bow.

The May Hare hopped
with mayhem

“Oh Hare,” said Alice at last,
“I’m roaming and lost like Odysseus.
Can’t I go home aghast ’cause thus
I wonder what everybody means
by ‘Beware of Greeks bearing gifts,’
so is it bleak or…”

“The Trojan War, dear.
But have no fear,” said the May Hare.
“There are no Trojan horses here.”

“But this is too weird,” said Alice.
“Such chaos must be a dream,
I’m beginning to think
of streams of schemes…”

“That’s madness,” said the Mad Potter,
“If that were so you would do the chant:
‘deus ex machina’ ”

“But in the scheme of things
all the words here would seem
to require three goddesses,” said Alice

“No need for that… we spin the news
for you. No need to spin the thread of life.
So what would you propose so nice —
to call down Clotho? Would Lachesis
sell short or sell long?” grumbled Mad Potter

“Goodness, girl,” said the Hare,
“If you called down Atropos,
how would you know
if it’d be the death of us
or the death of a dream?”

“So tell me this,” said Alice,
“What now is that thunder
in a distance of wonder?”

“Aha,” chortled Hare,
“A simple inquiry —
’tis activation of our
twenty lane highway.”

“Who comes to consort with us?
Shall it be less than consortium —
could it be Chefs
who bring shallots
with no sign of malice?”

“Well, dear,” said Hare,
“Not quite. Your Chef
will soon bring us the gigantic cake.”

“Can I have my cake
and eat it too?”

“Of course. Chef Steagill
brings it forth on private road,
then after, the millions will scream
and come like an omen. But first
the parade for our thirsts and
for all our Champagne dreams.”

At first there was just gleeful emotion —
an entourage of penguins waved from a float
and captivated woodland fans with a
ten foot high cake.

Onto the table for her with magnificent waddle
thirty birds placed the cake in exulted center.

“Make a wish for us all to survive, my dear,”
lead the Hare jumping wily wildly.

“Well, I’d think to make
a dream and reality compatible,”
faked Alice the fanciful,
who could only quake.”

Just then Archemedes
popped out of the cake
fully naked and said,
“Drachma! Eureka!
Put Euro to bed.”

“Hmm, well, that being said,
I thank you for
that sage advice, and
if I may say so
you’re very handsome in life.”

Archemedes looked down
at certain endowments:
“Well, as I stand erect, please
do not reject this:
Everyone must retire
to Noah’s lake because
lakes and spas are endless
for the gods.”

“Oh, Archemedes
if we could date,” said Alice.
“If not too late
I’d come onboard
your lonely ark to
be a two…”

“Oh my Alice you’re
like a daughter, much
too young for a disaster.”

As millions rushed into
Noah’s lake, of course
the overflow inundated.

The water rushed over
the banquet table and
swans found their voice
to sing their swan song.

— Douglas Gilbert

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6 thoughts on “Alice studies the Glass-Steagill Act, trades on Wonderland Wall Street stock, futures, derivatives, pie & jam

  1. I remember this one, i loved your Alice poem…it is quite the epic masterpiece. I love all the wordplay in it, like ‘unwonkyness’ and ‘hedgehogian’ and ‘strat-tea-tactfully etc…and i lliked how the Andalusia, and the claps and thumps made it seem rhythmic like a song…i loved ‘the flamingos flamencoed’. The three choices are odd too…cause i wouldn’t want to eat insects or peasants…i think i’d have to go with the lemon ice cream and fortune cookies…although all those papers in the fortune cookies probably would be confusing. The penguin waiters are great…i think next time i go to a restaurant i’ll bring a water gun to shoot the waiter with…hehe, just kidding, they’d probably kick me out. I loved Archemedes jumping out of the cake too. I think wordpress is doing some updates or something…down at the bottom of the poem it says ‘Related’ and has links to your previous Alice in wunderkinderland posts. Did it have you choose what was related or did wordpress automatically decide it was related? I noticed that the reader in the blogs i follow page was weird too. When i clicked on this poem it brought it up in a small box, then i had to click on ‘view original’ for it to bring me to this page….

    1. I’m glad you remember all the good parts and can see it overall. There are so many parts that are unclear but I guess it doesn’t matter. I wanted to do a satire on finance but I guess I don’t understand it well enough to do it I guess — I thought maybe ‘vague’ would let me pretend but anyway it might just work on the fun level.
          That “related” thing is weird. They didn’t ask me to choose related things and in fact didn’t even tell me they were going to do it. I would never choose other drafts of the same poem, I would have chosen maybe for an example “Ode to an Olive” because it’s another attempted spoof on finance. Oh gee, if they do this with other poems, it’s going to look silly. Now I’m thinking I may have do delete all drafts except the final one. I hate when they(not just here) make “improvements”. It’s always trouble. I was trying to get people who are not poets or poetry fans or poetry academics to read my stuff — that’s why from time to time I’ve done multiple postings of the same poem under different categories or titles. this sort of sabotages that. I don’t want it relating to itself…

      1. I thought the whole poem was good…not just parts. Being such a long poem i had to comment in a different style though. I opened two windows with the poem on it, one that kept my place as i read and another with the comment box easily accessible so i didn’t have to scroll down and keep losing my place, and as i read i would pause and comment on my favorite parts.
        Yeah, the related poems thing is weird. I looked after i commented here and It did it on my poems too but i’m not quite sure how it picks the ones it thinks are related because it has my newest poem ‘knowing’ paired with ‘secret wanderings with fiddle by “jane”‘ I’m not sure how those two are connected…but then for pictures or for some other poems it doesn’t put anything at all.

    2. Yes, I’ve done that too: opening multiple windows so I can keep track of what I’m thinking as I go along and trying not to lose my train of thought, because I can have a good feeling about something, daydream a little and then forget to put it in writing. I think maybe the related-program may do something like look for similar key words which is really silly and shallow — sort of like relating poems about mushrooms and shallots with poems about mushroom clouds and atomic explosions. The shape of many things is similar but the things themselves are unrelated. I’ve never know a mushroom that has exploded.

      1. I see what you mean…so it looks for similar words and automatically thinks there’s a connection. Well…there was some exploding fungus that grew in the mulch in my flower bed, i sprayed it with the water hose and it made a big cloud of spores burst up into the air….but that wasn’t really mushroom shaped…I thought it was mud or something at first.
        Oh wait, it may be unrelated but i can think of something that is similar to a mushroom shape that ‘explodes’ (giggle) nevermind – umm *blush*.

    3. Oh yes, I saw that analogy and got into trouble for it with “Cold Volcano”. I posted on a poetry website that was rated G and it disappeared with a general message on the board addressed to no one in particular saying “We’ve always been a family oriented website etc.” It was up for a long time with no one noticing until I made the foolish mistake of commenting and confirming what some commenters kept hinting at but were afraid to say.

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