It Can Never Be (Draft 2)

It Can Never Be (Draft 2)

I can not rake the leaves anymore
when she will not crumble them with me

She’s fallen as gross nature
would demand —
like compost

Oh God
I never understood how the
decay of Love could be recycled
if I buried her and the tree
thought of her as minerals

No, I can not give her to the trees

I want to keep her
as she was

I won’t surrender her,
won’t ever bury her, because
I will not let you take her

She can not die.

— Douglas Gilbert

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3 thoughts on “It Can Never Be (Draft 2)

  1. I like all the changes you’ve made. Moving the ‘Oh God’ to the next stanza sounds better than being after the ‘because’. And changing it to ‘she’s fallen as gross nature would demand’ is a good change, sounds more ‘leafy’ in a way. Yeah, i agree, nature can be gross at times. i think the work you did turned out great. I still love the ending…

    1. Thanks very much. I’m glad I could find a way around the gross/compost rhyme: it was bothering me that it was too cute and disrespectful for a serious subject. I think this fits better.

      1. I think it fits much better too. I see what you mean, now that you said something I think in the first draft having gross/compost as end-line rhymes did seem to have a bit of a ‘cute’ feel to it. I guess when I first read it I didn’t really catch that or seem to think it was cute, maybe because the rest of the poem is kind of chilling in a way – i remember i got goosebumps and felt teary…

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