Fat January (Draft 1)

Fat January

Vowing to lose weight for the new year
she hired the whipping cream boy
who she found curled up in the street

Unlike the physical trainer, he
doesn’t charge much, spouts
a little poetry and conversation

just demands to follow along
to her every breakfast,
lunch, and dinner

And upon demand
he eats off her plate

takes her desserts away
sticks his fork and knife
into her every oversized meal
but she orders her usual indulgence
and he is so hungry to talk that
he’ll eat what she can’t resist
and let her feel saintly to help the beggar

but she upgrades his wardrobe
so he can escort her to every dinner.

Actually she loves his conversation
and his charm resolves itself into
a love of life and her

but with a kiss
her prince of the gutter
with a beautiful, grateful smile
dies of a heart attack.

— Douglas Gilbert

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7 thoughts on “Fat January (Draft 1)

  1. What a sad ending…her prince of the gutter dies of a heart attack? I suppose it’s fitting for 2012 though, i guess a happy ending wouldn’t fit in with the rest of the year. How horrible that she had to have someone eat from her plate to help control herself…
    Speaking of resolutions, I don’t know what mine should be. I’ve already taken control of my bad habits (i quit smoking and hardly ever drink anymore unless it’s social) and my weight is right where it should be, well, I guess i could probably lose five pounds but i could do that in a couple weeks. Oh i know…i need to work on my yoga. I’ve wanted to take a class to learn new poses or techniques. Or i could at least buy a new dvd or book (that would probably be more cost effective). I actually was trying to brainstorm and think of things i might like to do besides being a waitress and i thought teaching a yoga class would be an awesome job. Of course right now i’m not at the level where anyone would want me to be teaching them…

    1. 1)I’m going to finish “The Fog of the Caveman’s Blog.” It wasn’t really finished but I called it “Book 1” and I had wanted to print a copy before Lulu changed formats and I wouldn’t be able to save my notes on the old computer. My paper scrap notes were only a partial copy. The thing was a mess — I had to email myself from the old computer because everything on it was obsolete — floppy disc, can’t transfer with that, and zip drive, can’t transfer with that. So anyway, I have a copy on the new computer and a paper copy.
      2) I’m going to add some of my recent poems to a new book… maybe not what I’ve been doing which is to keep expanding and keeping all the old ones. Maybe some of the old ones with some of the new ones. I don’t know.
      3) Work on my thought language project… but I still haven’t really defined anything yet. I’ve only just realized how scatterbrain I am and how my notes make no sense at all.
      4) I’m going to try meditation again. I stopped doing it. At its peak I got nice dream-quality images while still awake, and I was able to go also from a waking state directly into a lucid dream (well that one was years ago and I’m still mad about some psychic woman who was giving a class in psychic phenomena or some-such who said that was impossible and she didn’t think her class(whatever it was[too angry to remember]) was right for me. I thought I had reached a breakthrough point in meditation skill and I couldn’t discuss it with anyone.
      [Your Yoga idea sounds good]
      5) I’m going to explain why I couldn’t do the first 4 above.
          Congratulations on quitting smoking.
          Yeah, brainstorm things I want to do: I’m probably too old and it’s probably too late for me to do anything. I wasted my life thinking I could do great things, but not realizing I was autistic and was just spouting nonsense and was not going to be able to have any career because I was too scatterbrained. I really wanted to be a scientist(I went through different dreams: biologist, physicist, etc.) but I was never good enough in school. I barely got through the higher math which is a necessity — well, at one point I could do the calculations but I had no idea what was going on.

      1. Those are good resolutions – good luck with completing them. I’ve wanted to try a meditation class or something sometime. That sounds really rude the way that psychic lady acted towards you. You’d think she would know not to act like that to others. Maybe she was just jealous that she couldn’t do it so she wanted to claim it was impossible. That could be an explanation, right? I mean, if she couldn’t do it, it just HAS to be impossible. People are silly sometimes so don’t let her or anyone else stifle or ruin your breakthroughs. I can’t do that (wish i could though!) but if i could i would want to be able to discuss it with someone without being made to feel bad/weird about it. There’s all kinds of things i just never talked about because i didn’t want to feel embarrassed or hurt over someone’s reactions to what i might say. Maybe this is the year i need to stop caring what anyone else thinks. Maybe i’ll get over my shyness and be more social this year. Maybe, maybe, maybe…if wishes were dimes i’d be rich (giggling).
        Thanks, yeah, i quit smoking cigarettes when i was in the hospital because of my appendix. After 10 days without one i thought i’d be silly to go right back to a pack a day. It’s been almost 10 months now so i think (hope) i have it beat.
        I wanted to write more but my parents should be here any second…i’m cooking a New Year feast. Corned beef, cabbage, croissant rolls and potatoes. mmmm….it smells delicious in here.

    2. Oh I can smell the corned beef and cabbage. Those are such wonderful smells. Oh I remember some really great sweet and sour stuffed cabbage that I had at some parties or weddings which I don’t remember anymore, and wish I could make whatever it was. When I was a kid, I always imagined that when I became rich I would ask my underlings to find all of my favorite things — (well, actually, that’s not as pompous as it sounds: I just imagined that there were so many ordinary things that I couldn’t do for myself, and when I excelled in one thing that would make millions, I could get all these assistants to do all the things I was incapable of doing. I would honor and respect them and be grateful so the millions of dollars would be happily given to them and me in symbiosis.) It’s so sad what they tell kids about dreams and wishing upon a star, and that “they can do anything they want if they try hard enough (a lie).” No one explained to me how to be sociable — they just said that if I went to college everything would follow…. So I eventually got my college diploma and nothing happened… I sure as hell “delayed gratification” but nothing. I intensely hate all slogans. I have been none of them. I’ve been waiting for an explanation of life’s purpose and my role and talents and there is no way I would know how to “try harder.” There is no niche for me to find I think….

      1. Underlings?? (giggling) That’s a great word but i know what you mean. i guess i totally had a delusional expectation of what life was going to be like. What a big disappointment huh? I mean, i never expected millionaire status or anything but i thought it’d be better than this. Yeah, there’s no niche for me either i think – i don’t seem to fit in anywhere. Oh, speaking of ‘fit’, that reminds me. My parents bought me a sewing machine for Christmas. I’ve wanted one for a while. Now i can learn how to hem my own skirts and dresses, maybe learn how to follow a sewing pattern or something. I could even learn how to do alterations on clothes that are too big. I’m excited but at the same time i have no idea where to even start with it…

    3. That is exciting to finally get the gadget, the sewing machine. I think that a lot of sewing machine companies sponsor lessons on how to use their machines and do fancy things. I think they have printed patterns on paper where you pin the outlines onto a piece of cloth and cut out various shapes and then stitch it together. There might be some clubs where you get together and they show you how to do it. But, anyway, formally or informally, there are probably some experienced women who can show you how to do this… I guess you could start with simple things first… and there are probably some instruction books… and handicraft stores probably know where to go for instruction… Seems like it’s all about shapes and seams and a stitch in time, but I don’t know about nine… Probably hemming and hawing is easy….

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