A Sample of Santa Claus (Draft 1)

A Sample of Santa Claus

Mommy works in a forensic lab
but I’m so sad she let me leave
cookies and milk for Santa to retrieve

Mommy’s known in a forensic lab
but I’m a moan to her gabbing friends

Why I’m upset:
Left cookies and milk
and my detective set

Mommy works in a forensic lab
but I’m so sad

Her friends from work
came to our Christmas party
said I was cute, and I am so sorry

I became a school-project pest
asked her friend to do a test

Thought it was cute that
I had saliva and hair for her,
and she took it for real
to the lab with zeal

Mommy paces in a forensic lab
and I’m disgraced by DNA traces

Mitochondrial is human
nuclear is hominid hidden

Mom’s friend has submitted a paper
and her peers in a pear tree will reveal
on the last day of Christmas thus
what true love is or is not

and if they can let it be published
I will cry because the world will know
Santa and Daddy are Big Foot.

— Douglas Gilbert

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9 thoughts on “A Sample of Santa Claus (Draft 1)

  1. I like the new poem, it’s like a Christmas mystery, very interesting – scientific and intriguing. So the kiddo’s dad is big foot? Or maybe like an ancestor, kind of like a missing link or something? I say that because Santa is big foot too at the end of the poem or is it just because daddy is santa? What true love is or is not will be revealed on the last day of Christmas? I like the sound of peers in a pear tree.
    I’m still waiting for my little man to fall asleep for the night. He’s too excited to even doze off. After the party at his grandma’s house tonight I got rear ended when i was sitting at a stop sign waiting to turn. We are ok but i’m feeling a little sore now. There was no damage to the car, he wasn’t driving very fast or anything but it jerked me kind of hard because i wasn’t expecting to get hit like that. Hoping we feel ok in the morning and aren’t all stiff or something. My son said he feels fine…i guess i’m just worried and it had me pretty shook up earlier. I’m just gonna try to relax and watch the Christmas Story…

    1. Merry Christmas. I think next year you’ll get a sleigh for Christmas and then you can go “Over the River and through the woods to Grandmother’s house we go/The horse knows the way to carry the sleigh in the wide and drifting snow/Oh…”
      Sleigh bells ring… be happy tonight in a winter Wonderland
      Gifts of merry song and smiles

      1. (giggling) I think sleighs might be safer than cars you never hear about horses having too much to drink and then trying to maneuver the sleigh home. I think it’d be pretty adventurous too…just think of all the stuff you’d see on the way. I like your songs…

    2. There’s a woman who runs a forensic lab who has been collecting hair samples that people claim came from a Big Foot or Sasquatch. She’s been doing it for five years and analyzing the DNA. She’s now submitting a scientific paper to a mainstream peer-reviewed Journal and is waiting for them to accept it for publication. Besides her own lab she gave DNA samples to other independent labs for analysis. The results are that the mitochondrial DNA is human but the nuclear(the regular main genes on the chromosomes that we usually talk about) DNA is part human and part something else — doesn’t fit the profile for monkeys, gorillas, or any other primate or known creature.
          But, guess what… wait for it, our favorite word, the savage critics from all sides say there is ….. wait for it……
      ………
      …..
      …..
      and……
      ******** CONTAMINATION *************

      1. ahh, yes, good ol’ contamination. That is our favorite. Seems like every bit of proof they find on anything is contaminated these days! And then the things we don’t want contaminated (like our food or water) is getting contaminated on purpose with various things like pesticides ect… I typed in some key words into search and found some articles about the lady and her DNA research. Wonder what will ever come of it? My son and i watched a show about mermaids during dinner not too long ago.
        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mermaids:_The_Body_Found
        It was pretty interesting, even though it’s labeled as science fiction. What i read about the big foot stuff reminded me of it because the scientific team’s evidence was taken from them and the people who took it (a government organization) did their own analysis and claimed it was contaminated with human DNA.

    3. I guess nothing will come of it. It’s all very disappointing. The problem seems to be that whenever something out of the mainstream establishment comes along it gets buried by an avalanche of bandwagon hoaxes, disinformation campaigns that misquote and distort the original discovery or new theory or campaigns that slander or try to discredit the person either personally or by mocking their credentials or making up unfair criticisms of their data or while not even looking at the data, saying “it can’t be”. It seems almost impossible to know the truth because the hoaxes are so good and loud, and the legitimate ones are often soft and humble and without resources to fight back. The mainstream media seems to love to run with the hoaxes and then shoot them down, or if they go with the real ones, they invite the most vicious of critics and don’t challenge anything the critic says, even blatantly false statements. I’ve been waiting for so many announcements that never come. I’m getting real tired of false alarms and coverups but I don’t know which are which. There are so many that of the ones I hear about it could be that 99% are wrong but I want the 1% to be heard and amplified. I doubt that’s going to happen. News people seem to prefer ridicule to truth. Truth doesn’t interest them.
          They could at least do some in-between things: their instinct is to always do an angry denial. But here’s an example of something in-between which would be a starting point: There was a “cold fusion” scandal a few years ago where a mistake was made with the recording instruments so that the presented data was wrong. It was followed by horrendous ridicule. At that point, no scientist wanted to touch the subject with a ten-foot pole. At that time mainstream science only produced a fusion reaction at extreme temperatures like the Sun does (millions of degrees for a short time). Nowadays they’re researching the subject with a new name, low energy nuclear reaction (LENR), actually same “cold fusion” in that it doesn’t require a high temperature for atoms to transmute from one element into another and release energy. Anyway, so “cold fusion (properly defined)” does happen. At worst, it just may be that it’s not practical yet — you may have to expend more energy to set up the apparatus than the amount you get out of it. BUT AT LEAST, CAN THE MAINSTREAM ADMIT THAT Yes, cold fusion is real (although not yet proven to be useful or practical — if they want to say that). Can we get an apology for their abuse and let any curious scientist do their research without being drummed out of their school or department. Look, before Edison “invented” the light bulb, lots of scientists knew that if you put electricity through a filament in a vacuum that light was produced — it was just that the filament burned out and broke very fast and so it was not a practical way to produce light for a street lamp or anything else. But nobody denied that light could be produced — I don’t remember reading that anyone ran around saying, “Lunatics claim light produced in a glass envelope.” Edison was curious enough to perfect a durable filament. So let them play around with cold fusion or LENR, let them take their DNA samples, let them explore all their impractical new lights of improbable things, let them look to describe and analyze in peace until they have written up their proof. I don’t understand the viciousness and anger of critics, maliciousness of hoaxers and disinformation campaigns. Can’t we just let them be wrong or not.

      1. I don’t understand it either and I’m really starting to think that the media does more harm than good (in a lot of different cases/scenarios). I mean, i think it would really slow the progression of new discoveries down if every new turn scientists make is being treated like that. That’s an excellent point about Edison and the light bulb. I’m not sure what’s wrong with people…why can’t they just let them make all of their new explorations in peace? It comes off like they just want to shoot them down and make them look bad. You said “truth doesn’t interest them” and i really think you’re right. It’s not juicy enough or something without the viscous critics or the hoax they get to shoot down. It’s like they need the drama and maybe they do need the drama to keep their ratings up or something…i don’t know. I’m almost to the point where i want to give up watching or reading the news again. It just depresses me and it scares me. The more i see, the more i think the world in general is just losing it. Science, weather and health news are my favorite types of news to read about because generally speaking it’s not as horrible as the rest of the topics. There should be a science only news channel that embraces scientists and their new discoveries or highlights what they’re hoping to discover and has truthful, drama free discussions. Oh wait, there is a science channel but the cable company won’t let me watch it. Maybe that’s where the good science news is. I see shows on it that i want to watch all the time and click on it only to have the subscription only box come up on the screen wanting me to pay more. I already think cable is too expensive and that i should just cancel it altogether. I wish they would just let me pick which channels i want and let me pay only for those. You’d think the science channel would be one of the channels that should be in every home…

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