The End of the World (Draft 1)

The End of the World (Draft 1)

An ice cream volcano in Iceland erupted.
Nobody knows why, but hordes
brought spoons and whipped cream

The confectionery state went bankrupt
and free ice cream rules, but everyone
fears the beans of the vanilla, fears
the seeds of the strawberry and
a new flavor with swirls and sprinkles

Unidentified flying cows have been seen
their moo’s seeming mournfully sung but
when guffaws blow out of ice cream cones
the walls fall on blueberry fields and
pistachios are unshelled

— Douglas Gilbert


12 thoughts on “The End of the World (Draft 1)

  1. mmmm…sounds like a delicious ending to the world. I’ll have to remember to stock up on my chocolate syrup in case i’m able to hop on a plane and fly to Iceland. Or who knows, maybe we could have ice cream eruptions happening all over the planet and the caves will fill with chocolate syrup? The new flavor with swirls and sprinkles sounds interesting and so do the flying cows! A few months ago i saw an article where farmers were buying sprinkles and gummy bears to feed their cows because the drought had made corn too expensive. I thought it was nuts

    1. Oh crud. i didn’t mean to post the comment yet. I hate when i do that. What if i wanted to delete or edit or something?? Oh well. Back to the cows. I’m going to try to find that article really quick. Here it is:
      I remember thinking that now even the cows are going to be addicted to sweets!
      But I read somewhere that Iceland has pretty much fixed their economy and had a revolution that changed everything…
      But i like your end of the world poem and am glad the world didn’t really end because i love reading your words. Although, I have to admit i was rooting for Noah and the unicorn. I watched for them all day long – i bet there was some kind of hold up with intergalactic security or something. They probably consider the unicorn’s horn a weapon and wouldn’t allow them to pass through yet. There’s all kinds of red tape and rules when you travel with i unicorn, i bet…

      1. It’s kind of strange though that I grew up thinking that so many sauces and syrups and things were complicated gourmet magic but it turns out that a lot of them are simple junk with various combinations of sugar, salt, butter, oil, fat, milk, cream, cinnamon, ginger… I don’t think if I had known that, that I would have wanted to taste butter and sugar. I think a lot of people buy stuff in the store and have no idea what they really are. Well, I guess it is complicated because if you don’t use the exact amounts of each and heat and cool and filter in exactly the correct way that it doesn’t come out right. Sometimes the texture and feel and crispness or softness make a big difference. I remember once that I ran out of everything and just took stuff off the shelf. I mixed vanilla instant pudding powder with flour and tried to make something(I forget if I was trying to make bread or something else) but anyway it tasted like corn muffins. I wondered how that happened until I found out that pudding is mostly corn starch, sugar, and milk. But I used water and I couldn’t taste the vanilla at all(drowned out by the flour I guess), and it tasted exactly like corn muffins. Oh gee, I should look up corn muffins and see how you really make them…. Oh yeah, I’ve always wanted an ice cream maker so I could finally get the flavors I want that don’t exist anymore. Hmmm, now that I think about it, all that advertising that makes you think that even the simplest of things is “gourmet” when it’s just sugar and artificial flavoring and coloring, means that they are feeding us like they do the cows — grinding up leftovers with sugar and fat…

    2. Gee holy cow, that does seem nuts. I saw about 20 other candy for cows links and one of them said it was OK for cows to have up to 2 pounds of chocolate per day. There were finance blogs and market blogs and all kinds of other links all mentioning it and seeming to say it was OK. There was just one diet blog that said that the meat and diary from such cows had fewer nutrients but even they had little specific to say other than saying that it was similar to the debate over grass fed and grain fed cattle(the grass fed having more nutrients maybe[but they didn’t seem sure]. But anyway, nobody seemed very excited by the CANDY. It was like: ho hum, cows need sugar and fat. There was one scientific study that said that cows fed table sugar(sucrose) produced more butterfat but it was all kind of nonchalant again. And then I was thinking about — wait, I don’t even know what sprinkles are actually. It turns out that it is dried out cake icing sort of. Just confectioners (powdered) sugar and a tiny amount of egg white basically. I found a homemade recipe for it:
      Homemade Sprinkles Recipe
          Intergalactic security, horn weapons, and red tape huh — really funny-cute collection of cues to a situation. Little joke candies that built up into a “hmm-ha-heh ha-hmm-ha-ha” I guess that’s a chuckle — not sure how to write laughter. Yeah, we should have 20 words for it like the Eskimo “snow”.

      1. I noticed that too! How come no one was like “Hey, wait a minute guys – this might not be a very good idea in the long run…maybe cows really shouldn’t eat CANDY?”. Everybody was just like, “yeah, cows love candy…it has fat and calories, what do you think corn and grain is?” When i first read the article it made me think of that movie Idiocracy where they water all the crops with Gatorade and wonder why the plants are dying. I just hope the cows don’t get used to eating all of that sugar. When we get plenty of rain then grass, grain and hay will go back to their normal prices but what if the cows don’t want to eat it anymore because all they want are gummy bears and sprinkles? Two pounds of chocolate in one day! That’s crazy. i mean, i know cows are large animals but two whole pounds of chocolate in one day will give anyone an upset stomach (or two in a cows case). I had heard somewhere that they had two stomachs. I just typed that in and it says they have one stomach with four chambers. Maybe that’s how they can get away with eating that much chocolate. I still wouldn’t think that it could be a very healthy diet over all.
        I like your chuckle…Twenty words for laughter…that’s a great idea. I’m going to head off to bed, hopefully i’ll have a dream filled with happy giggles and smiles (and twenty new laughter words).

      2. I like that homemade sprinkles recipe, it looks kind of fun. I think i’m going to have to make those sometime just to try it out…It’ll be the worlds best ice cream sundae with all home made ingredients. Remember that butterscotch sauce we talked about a while ago? I’ll have to make that too…

  2. Sometimes the simplest of things are the most delicious. Home made sweets taste the best because they’re fresh and not full of preservatives. Also someone has to find the time and have patience make them and a lot of times the sweets are made to share with those they care about so they also involve love. Yep…i think the best treats involve time, patience, and love. Those are very special secret ingredients that are unique to each baking experience. Oh and you have to be careful not to over cook them…no one wants a broken tooth…(giggling).

    1. Oh yes, memories of food involve the special ingredients. I remember a commercial where this woman tells her family that she’s making a home-made dish that will take hours to make. But she uses a pre-made box mix. So she sits in the kitchen reading for hours because the mix only takes a few minutes. When she’s ready to serve her family she throws flour on her face, messes up her hair, puts water on her forehead to look like sweat, and carries out the plate to her family looking exhausted…they say,”oh honey, you shouldn’t have gone to so much trouble…” I guess it’s kind of sad that companies and their entourages know what the missing ingredient is in everything but society in general does nothing to promote the enhancement of the missing ingredient. It’s sort of like everything is a how-to book on how to appear loving, how-to simulate kindness, how-to appear to be ___(whatever), and nothing on how-to actually ‘be’.
          I remember how much fun it was helping in the kitchen to make potato pancakes. We had an old-fashioned grinding machine which was very safe because there were no exposed blades and no place to put your fingers at all. You put a piece of potato down a vertical shaft and pushed it down with a wooden plunger. An internal screw or worm at the bottom carried and mashed it along through a grating where the totally pulverized potato mash came out. It was very effective and easy as I remember it. We mixed it with flour, eggs, onion, bread crumbs, salt. Oh, I’m not sure, but I think we put the bread and the onions in the masher thing too. We fried the batter in oil until crisp and ate it almost immediately. It was great. I’ve never been able to duplicate that. The new machines are awkward and dangerous from what I’ve seen. But I only have a hand grinding board now and that’s tedious and not worth the trouble.

      1. Yeah…too bad the commercial didn’t show her getting to spend more time with those that she loves. Instead she sat alone in the kitchen trying to waste time to appear like she was working hard. They could have made much more of a loving impact showing that the time saved by measuring a few ingredients was more time you get to spend with those you love – instead of showing that being deceptive is a form of caring(!?). The boxed mixes still take time, patience and love…well, a little less time is needed i suppose. But you still have the patience of waiting almost an hour for something to bake in the oven and the love because you want to make something fresh and delicious for your loved ones. Seems like everyone wants to be a master of deceptions anymore in all aspects of life (even in the kitchen apparently). I would love to just simply ‘be’ with one who would truly love me.
        I’ve never even seen one of those old fashioned grinding machines. Sounds really cool though. I think a lot of things have probably been lost or made more awkward and dangerous in the modern age. I have had potato cakes before though, i thought they were great. I remember that my mom made them with leftover mashed potatoes. I suppose she just added the other ingredients needed and fried them. I’m sure they probably weren’t the same as the ones made with the grinding machine though. I saw this neat idea the other day where you sliced a pepper (green or red bell pepper) horizontally so that it kept the general outside circular-ish shape of the pepper. Then you laid that in the pan and cracked an egg into it and then cooked it to make an egg sandwich. I suppose you could add other things like chopped onions or cheese and toast the bread you put it on…yum. I’m going to have to try that sometime. It looked simple and delicious.

    2.     Yeah, unfortunately, apparently the tactics of commercials work. They have probably measured that, when they run this crap, that they sell more stuff. When they stir more emotions they sell more stuff. Guilt, envy, jealously, an appeal to not be a sucker but a manipulator works very well to sell stuff. Snob appeal. People who don’t like Champagne will buy it for New Year’s Eve because it is chic. (well, I actually like it but you know what I mean).
          Yes, I think that wanting to make magic for loved ones is a very noble cause, and putting love into the most humble of symbols whether food or decorations is the greatest art of the kiss that envelopes like a reign of happiness that hugs the soul.
          And so Happy New Year.

      1. Happy New year! Here’s to hoping 2013 is better than 2012. It definitely wasn’t a great year for me. And the last week was just the icing on the cake…I’m not even going to celebrate tonight – no champagne toasts for me (although i do actually like it too on special occasions).

    3. I’ve experimented with that. Oh yeah, I thought I invented that: I made a red pepper into a boat and put cheddar cheese in it and stuck it into the oven in different ways. Once I split it into two boats and put it onto slices of bread so that the bread toasted but the peppers didn’t scorch. I experimented with various additives: basil, oregano, chopped jalepeno peppers, onions, flax seed meal, vinegar, garlic, turmeric, sugar, sour salt (when I could find it), olive oil etc. I figured you were allowed to do that because stuffed peppers is traditional and a similar idea of using a pepper as a carrier of everything. Pepper boats are really good if you get the temperature and timing right. It is a little bit easier if you can find the right shape pepper. Sometimes they have very odd shapes and sizes.

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