Historic News Again From NASA (Draft 1)

Historic News Again From NASA (Draft 1)

Gather all ye sheep
there’s Historic news

Oh come ye
to the News Conference;
our NASA boy on Mars speaks:

Well, of course.
Two kinds of methane,
perchlorates, a glitch,
a few fossils, and
there’s a wolf on Mars

Historic News again from NASA.
Please do not cry —
You’re not understanding the data

Dr. Wolf in
sheep-skin coat of many colors
will explain:

On Mars,
I’ve written a secret book.

And now
let us praise ourselves.

Historic News again from NASA,
please do not cry —
you’re not understanding the data
capitalized with contamination

One small step for James Wolf,
one giant leap for James Bond

— Douglas Gilbert

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12 thoughts on “Historic News Again From NASA (Draft 1)

  1. This is great! I love the whole sheep and wolf usage through the poem. “Dr wolf in sheep-skin coat of many colors” – awesome! I giggled at the “and now, let us praise ourselves.” I’d love to know what’s really going on behind closed doors over there at Nasa. Oh, they have a new youtube video debunking the Mayan prophecy. Don’t know if you’ve seen it or not. It’s called “Why the World Didn’t End Yesterday”

    I feel so much safer and better now because they would never lie to us or conceal any information…right? (hehe) It’s kind of weird though that they release it now. If they’re so sure of what they’re saying why wouldn’t they wait and release it on the 22nd? What if the internet (or everything else electronic for that matter) won’t function for some reason and there’s no way to get information out to people or for people to communicate after the 21st and that’s why they want to go ahead and share it. Kind of like a presumptive “we told you so”.

    1. Thanks. Yeah, it is odd that they release the video now. It’s like they’re saying, “Our world of us being in charge will not end. We will still rule no matter what.” The Planet Earth won’t come to an end and most people will not die; maybe only 49.9% will die and certainly not them in their bunkers. Yeah, that’s right: if there’s no internet, how will they go “Naah, na naah na naah naah, we told you so” on twitter… Oh wait, is that 140 characters?

      1. (giggling) Yeah, i could never get used to twitter and being so limited on the amount you were able to say. It’s not like i have a whole lot of important stuff to say anyways but if i want to say something, it’s usually hard to do with only 140 characters. Brevity isn’t my strong point, I tend to ramble on a little too much…I don’t think i ever even managed a single tweet.

  2. oops..i didn’t know it was going to put the whole big video box in the comments, sorry…
    I think it did the same thing the last time i posted that fish video in the comments too. I guess that’s just how it works at wordpress. I should remember that in the future.

    1. That’s interesting. In talking about how ‘there’s no rogue planet or comet coming to strike us because it would already be the brightest object in the sky’, I like when they say, “You don’t need to ask the government, just go out and look”. Well, yeah, people have gone out and looked and have seen UFO’s all over the world.
          “The Sun is not a threat either…”. Hey look, a short time after they invented the telegraph, a solar flare induced an electric current in the telegraph wires and wiped out the telegraph system. They had no idea what happened, but since it was a primitive system at the time, it was easy to rebuild it. It just so happened that some astronomer at the time observed the Sun, but few put 2 and 2 together, and since they fixed it without much of a problem and the economy didn’t depend heavily on the telegraph it didn’t matter. They still had the Pony Express to deliver mail and messages, or you could put it on the stage coach.
          As far as the solar cycles, this one may look “wimpy” as they put it, but they are assuming that the solar cycles and the sun’s behavior are well known and predictable. Well, the solar cycles used to be very neat and tidy and fit a 13 year cycle of sunspots.(I forget now if it was 13 but anyway it fit an understandable cycle that they had been observing for a long time). But now the Sun’s behavior DOES NOT fit any of the models that they used to depend on. So they’re saying that the model is now WRONG but happens to be in our favor. If they have no model and don’t know what the pattern or cycle is now, how do they know that the “wimpiness” is going to continue.
          Well the world may not end, but I noticed that the gophers have been digging up gardens and burying their telegraph wires deeper so they can make their appearance in their gopher-centric new version of the movie “Caddy Shack.” They’ve done pretty well with their telegraph and avoid e-mail but they do still do most of their negotiating face-to-face, nose-to-nose, paw-to-paw. The gophers from the Mayan era left a prophecy but we haven’t cracked their language yet.
          Oh, and as far as the Mayan calendar rolling over like an odometer on a car to the starting point, others have done that Calendar trick and it was connected to a disaster. The Christian calendar set back all the ancient calendars to the year 0. Those were not exactly happy peaceful times that followed. Pol Pot in Cambodia, when he seized power and slaughtered millions decided that his rule would begin in the Year 0. He set the Cambodian calendar back to 0. So maybe every time a society is falling apart they get a new calendar. Now that I think about it, I think we’re alright because the ancients never made calendars with nude pictures. I wonder if the NASA calendar has nudes. If not, we could be in big trouble.

    2. OK, my history is a little off, but you get the idea. OK, I found the telegraph thing; it was the Carrington Super Flare of 1859. They say that such events occur only once every 500 years. But the frequency terminology is a little too convenient. Look how they use the terminology for climate. Some storms and floods we’ve had they’ve described as “100 year storms” meaning they are severe and only happen once every 100 years. But we’ve had several in the last 10 years. Hmm, the Carrington was a 500 year solar flare, huh. Maybe it was a ‘150 year’-category flare.

      1. There has been a whole lot of UFO sightings lately. If you just type it into the google search and set it to pull up stuff from the last day it pulls up a ton of different pages.
        I never knew that about the Carrington flare and the telegraph system, it’s amazing, the damage that solar flares could do. Do you think it could mess with other things besides phones and internet? Something like airplanes or other modes of transportation? I only ask because i had a weird dream not long ago that a plane pretty much sputtered and fell out of the sky. I looked up and saw it angled down like it was landing, then if was pulling back up, and then it just sort of dropped and crashed. My son and i were looking through a big glass window, we were at some kind of appointment or something but we could see people running past and i thought they were running towards the plane that crashed. Well i suppose it wouldn’t hurt it enough to make the plane fall. I think i probably just sound silly so I typed it into search and it said that a strong enough solar flare could damage the gps system. Surely that wouldn’t make a plane fall. I have a lot of dreams, if i scrutinized all my weird dreams i i would just drive myself completely nuts. But i remember thinking about that one for a long time after i woke up. About the 100 year floods though, our old neighbor’s house flooded from the creek way back behind their house and they said it was a freak occurrence…a hundred year flood. Then it happened again the next spring! They ended up moving not long after that. I probably would move too if i thought hundred year floods were going to be ruining all my stuff once a year…
        I like gophers…they must be pretty smart, burying their telegraph system deeper and still doing their negotiations paw-to-paw. Maybe people could learn a few things from them. Our dog was a master mole hunter. She completely took care of my parent’s mole problem when we lived there. They’ve started coming back though since we moved.
        Nude calendars huh? (giggling) I bet Nasa has one with nude Martians. They just don’t want anyone else besides their scientists to see it! Well maybe getting a new calendar will be good for us then. Seems like society is falling apart lately. Everyone’s going crazy. I’m so sad about what happened at that elementary school yesterday…
        Well i guess i should get back to my project i have going on. We are making fleece blankets as Christmas presents this year for some of our family members and they’re a little more time consuming than i originally thought they would be. But they turn out very nicely, I hope they like them.

    3. Hmm, interesting dream. There was a French plane flying out of Brazil a while ago that flew into a storm and behaved like you’re describing. I think in their case the instruments that show air speed froze and stopped working. In the storm they couldn’t visually see anything. I think it was something like: they thought they were losing speed so they dived* to pick up speed but they couldn’t tell how high up they were. At the last minute they tried to pull up. I think it was that with the air speed indicator broken, an alarm said that the engine was about to sputter and stall from lack of speed, but actually there was no problem with the plane other than the broken gauge. I think I heard some place that this business about the angle that the plane has is crucial too: if the angle is too steep the air which is supposed to flow over the top of the wing to lift the plane can’t and the plane drops. I’m not sure about all the details but I think when you can’t see anything and don’t know where you are, there are several ways to stall the engine so that the plane will fall out of the sky. As far as a solar flare, I would think it could destroy the instruments in a plane — if it could fry a telegraph line, then it could certainly fry instruments in a plane. So anyway I think it works like this: the engine is stalling or the pilot thinks it’s about to stall, he dives to either restart the engine or prevent a stall, and then he has to pull up before hitting the ground; if he pulls up too steeply then the engine will stall; if he doesn’t pull up steeply enough in time then he crashes into the ground. So, if he loses his instruments or is confused, ut oh.
      *About “dived”. I was going to say the plane “dove” but I was thinking the bird, a dove, so I looked it up and it said “alternative past tense of dive”. So I looked up “dive” and it gave the first past tense as “dived” and the alternate as “dove”. I think “alternate” means it’s OK to use it. I think they say “archaic” if you shouldn’t use it. But I’m thinking it would be interesting in a poem. The dove dove down, taking a dive. It could have dived for peace or dove on doves nearby for a lark. It dove into the question that dove-tails with the stalling of change and leaving irregular forms their right to fly. I think when I was growing up trying to learn spelling it was “dove” and then there was some kind of debate about it. Ut oh, now I’m totally confused, or was confused, or will confuse things, because I’m thinking about “I sit, I sat; I ride, I rode.” I don’t see them trying to change it to “sitted.” Hmm, I guess I have no idea what the rules are. I try, I tried. I think, I thought. I imagine, I imagined. I break things, I broke it. I brake, I braked. After breakfast, I rode in a car with a broken brake that braked not and broke….

    4. That sounds like a good present. I think everybody likes fleece blankets except for sheep but they grow out of it and into it and rejoice despite the baaa’s

  3. That’s really neat, i never knew all of that about planes and the angles at which they fly affecting their engines. I’m sure not having all the instruments and gauges would definitely make flying the plane much harder. I’d never heard about that french plane from Brazil. Ut-Oh! Exactly…how terrifying plane crashes can be. I always get nervous when i fly, well it’s not like i do that very often, i think only a total of six times my whole life and they were shorter flights too…but it did make me a little nervous each time.
    (giggling) i love all your present and past tenses…sounds like riddles with all the alliteration going on. I better get to work…

    1. Hmm, I think it must be more frightening for a small bird to be under attack from a larger bird. At least big passenger planes don’t usually attack smaller planes although small planes don’t usually sing or eat seeds. Yeah, it might be worse if we could fly…flying people would get into arguments, would have sky-road-rage. Oh yeah, I forgot, people in planes get into arguments — well they usually don’t fly around the cabin or have birds in their laps…

      1. Eeek! Poor small birds. Sky-road-rage sounds horrible. For a couple months my CD player in my car was broken and i had to make my daily commute to work in silence. Everyone else on the road got on my nerves so much more. My friend fixed it for me and now i’m much less agitated. I just ride along enjoying my music again. Semi trailer cuts me off…no big deal, just listen to that beautiful trumpet solo…

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