When Daydreams Fall Asleep

When Day Dreams Fall Asleep

[Inspired by Confession by Dandegirl. This version is a little different. Improvement on Draft 1?]

Into the spiral of sleep I drifted,
reminisced in blue starlight
a conversation with you
had in the day when
blended understandings
guided us to an inner
silent space amorphous
deep like the darkness of night
joining with its silent dream light

Drifting, I saw you caress yourself
like a conversation of body-knowing hymn
in the space amorphous glowing in my smile
and I wonder if you knew
I was there within you.

— Douglas Gilbert

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3 thoughts on “When Daydreams Fall Asleep

  1. whew, you know how to get a girl excited…this makes me blush a little. I thought draft 1 was great but this one is even better. I like the ‘reminisced in blue starlight’ and i think the word ‘blended’ sounds better than ‘mutual’. Although, I think my favorite addition to this draft is the last two lines…very powerful.

    1. Thanks. I was wondering if I retained all the same ideas. “a light of remembrance” in draft 1 was really bothering me. When I looked around for a verb form, I was surprised how weird the spelling of “reminisce” was, and didn’t quite understand what they said in the derivation brackets — that it was a “back formation”. I guess they mean that the noun reminiscence came first and there was no verb form, and then at some later time they invented the verb form. I can’t remember an example but I’ve heard of words that were in a negative form and much later a new word was coined in a positive form. I’m glad “blended” still keeps the same meaning as “mutual” — I like the rhyming sound but was afraid I’d lose the meaning. Yeah, sometimes it works to jot down the ideas first and worry about the rhyme and rhythm later. But, of course, sometimes I find a really cute rhyming word or phrase that I want to use but it totally distorts the meaning and I can’t use it, although sometimes the new meaning is OK and I drop my original idea and work in a totally different direction. But that’s sort of doubly frustrating.[then there’s the five ideas at once… but that’s another story]. And I’m really glad you liked the last two lines. I knew something was missing. It fits together with your poem and finishes up the idea. I think that wraps it up. Phew, done.

    2. P.S. OK, I see why I was so confused before: I was getting “remembrance” and “reminiscence” mixed up. Yeah, and that’s why I thought the spelling was weird — I don’t know, but I wouldn’t be surprised if I’ve been using the wrong word for years… oh well…

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