In The Early Times Of Swine Flu

A Mild Death

You can’t plague me
with your reassurances
going Pollyanna’s way —
been Mexico City,
Apocalypse here I come,
but found me

a way to quiet the child
whose seen disquieting things —
been to
Santa City
Pollyanna here I come

Have me a little house in New Mexico
got smoke signals up the flue
and its
tequila time too

My lady’s gone to Santa Fe
smoke signal’s up the flue. She’ll
be home soon
to make my stew

Heard C is good,
having barbecue, my
lime pork and beans

Gone to Santa Fe
and she’s on her way

She’s a mild one
with a fever for me,
a smile like a child

Been to Santa City
here she comes
—Douglas Gilbert
Books by Douglas Gilbert

Swine Flu Precautions 12

Precaution 12

In withdrawing from the habit of shaking hands with other people, do not fall prey to the temptation to shake hands with a polar bear. There have been no reports of any polar bears vacationing in Mexico, but the denial to them of a vacation and the bear opening of the seals, can make polar bears ferocious.

Swine Flu Precautions

PRECAUTIONS DURING THE SWINE FLU CRISIS

Precaution 01: If someone is about to sneeze on you, wash his feet.

Precaution 02: If you see a pig on the street, slaughter it before it sneezes, and make bacon. If you see Buddha, let him go.

Precaution 03: Don’t kiss a swine even if he’s your boss. You shouldn’t raise ducks, chickens, and pigs together in your office.

Precaution 04: Always teach your pet pig American sign language so he can tell you how he feels.

Precaution 05: Use a mask certified to stop viruses when robbing an infected bank

Precautions 06: If you are meditating on a mountain, stay there, unless the Guru has a fever.

Precautions 07: If you put lipstick on a pig, don’t kiss it.

#Precaution 08: Some of my best fiends are swine, but I don’t keep them close anymore (“keep friends close,enemies closer”)

#Precaution 09: “Chacun à son goût,” but only taste yourself after washing your hands, and you can have your cake if the chef didn’t lick the spoon.

#Precaution 10: If you feel sick, stay at home without having a party or a parade in the hallway.

#Precaution 11: If you must travel, take a private plane, and don’t let Congress see you sweat.

Multibed Down

Mulitbed Down

There’s a bird on my keyboard
crumbs for her beak
crunchy board
no emails. The bird
knows no better
than to peck
fluttering its wings
but you are of arms
not embracing

I had thought
I’d bask in the sun
lay you down, but

you phone called in bed
while we made love, said
you could only multi-task, squealing
moans in the phone, taking
a shipping order
saying, “pump”

A screaming screen cries
bird on my keyboard
stocks have crashed

— Douglas Gilbert.
Books by Douglas Gilbert

April Is Anti-Poetry Month

Never Read Poetry

What to do:
DON’T READ FROM AN APPROVED LIST OF POETRY
nor from an official anthology, or an assigned list, and never read anything that a teacher has suggested unless you’re determined to hate poetry for a lifetime, and

Assume a poem could be found
on unlikely tongues
on ice cream cones
and lick it. Place

words on feathers that
tickle the fickle. Let

the loop of the river
spell
splash blue ink.

Storm out of yourself
a thunder whisper in a flash
in a moment of
passion flooding
momentously drizzling drops
of salty inklings
up a creek for a beaver

Trees fall
heard. Who’s
there, here
who calls
to be right
write

in a pickle. Read
me with syrup
under a maple
over a river
with a pickle
resuming a crunch

—Douglas Gilbert

Books by Douglas Gilbert

April Is Free-verse Poetry Month

Poetry Month

What to do:

Assume a poem could be found
on unlikely tongues
on ice cream cones
and lick it. Place

words on feathers that
tickle the fickle. Let

the loop of the river
spell
splash blue ink.

Storm out of yourself
a thunder whisper in a flash
in a moment of
passion flooding
momentously drizzling drops
of salty inklings
up a creek for a beaver

Trees fall
heard. Who’s
there, here
who calls
to be right
write

in a pickle. Read
me with syrup
under a maple
over a river
with a pickle
resuming a crunch

— Douglas Gilbert
Books by Douglas Gilbert