A Mild Death You can’t plague me a way to quiet the child Have me a little house in New Mexico My lady’s gone to Santa Fe Heard C is good, Gone to Santa Fe She’s a mild one Been to Santa City
with your reassurances
going Pollyanna’s way –
been Mexico City,
Apocalypse here I come,
but found me
whose seen disquieting things –
been to
Santa City
Pollyanna here I come
got smoke signals up the flue
and its
tequila time too
smoke signal’s up the flue. She’ll
be home soon
to make my stew
having barbecue, my
lime pork and beans
and she’s on her way
with a fever for me,
a smile like a child
here she comes
—Douglas Gilbert
Archive for April, 2009
In The Early Times Of Swine Flu
Swine Flu Precautions 12
Precaution 12 In withdrawing from the habit of shaking hands with other people, do not fall prey to the temptation to shake hands with a polar bear. There have been no reports of any polar bears vacationing in Mexico, but the denial to them of a vacation and the bear opening of the seals, can make polar bears ferocious.
Swine Flu Precautions
PRECAUTIONS DURING THE SWINE FLU CRISIS Precaution 01: If someone is about to sneeze on you, wash his feet. Precaution 02: If you see a pig on the street, slaughter it before it sneezes, and make bacon. If you see Buddha, let him go. Precaution 03: Don’t kiss a swine even if he’s your boss. You shouldn’t raise ducks, chickens, and pigs together in your office. Precaution 04: Always teach your pet pig American sign language so he can tell you how he feels. Precaution 05: Use a mask certified to stop viruses when robbing an infected bank Precautions 06: If you are meditating on a mountain, stay there, unless the Guru has a fever. Precautions 07: If you put lipstick on a pig, don’t kiss it. #Precaution 08: Some of my best fiends are swine, but I don’t keep them close anymore (“keep friends close,enemies closer”) #Precaution 09: “Chacun à son goût,” but only taste yourself after washing your hands, and you can have your cake if the chef didn’t lick the spoon. #Precaution 10: If you feel sick, stay at home without having a party or a parade in the hallway. #Precaution 11: If you must travel, take a private plane, and don’t let Congress see you sweat.
Multibed Down
Mulitbed Down There’s a bird on my keyboard I had thought you phone called in bed A screaming screen cries — Douglas Gilbert.
crumbs for her beak
crunchy board
no emails. The bird
knows no better
than to peck
fluttering its wings
but you are of arms
not embracing
I’d bask in the sun
lay you down, but
while we made love, said
you could only multi-task, squealing
moans in the phone, taking
a shipping order
saying, “pump”
bird on my keyboard
stocks have crashed
April Is Anti-Poetry Month
Never Read Poetry What to do: Assume a poem could be found words on feathers that the loop of the river Storm out of yourself Trees fall in a pickle. Read —Douglas Gilbert
DON’T READ FROM AN APPROVED LIST OF POETRY
nor from an official anthology, or an assigned list, and never read anything that a teacher has suggested unless you’re determined to hate poetry for a lifetime, and
on unlikely tongues
on ice cream cones
and lick it. Place
tickle the fickle. Let
spell
splash blue ink.
a thunder whisper in a flash
in a moment of
passion flooding
momentously drizzling drops
of salty inklings
up a creek for a beaver
heard. Who’s
there, here
who calls
to be right
write
me with syrup
under a maple
over a river
with a pickle
resuming a crunch
Books by Douglas Gilbert
April Is Free-verse Poetry Month
Poetry Month What to do: Assume a poem could be found words on feathers that the loop of the river Storm out of yourself Trees fall in a pickle. Read — Douglas Gilbert
on unlikely tongues
on ice cream cones
and lick it. Place
tickle the fickle. Let
spell
splash blue ink.
a thunder whisper in a flash
in a moment of
passion flooding
momentously drizzling drops
of salty inklings
up a creek for a beaver
heard. Who’s
there, here
who calls
to be right
write
me with syrup
under a maple
over a river
with a pickle
resuming a crunch
